‘I can explain all this it is not what you think. Well ok maybe it is, but you were so busy and you did not have time for me anymore. So I started hanging out with my cousin and her friends and one thing just led to another.’ She finished off in a low tone as she stared at her feet. I did not say a word but just stared at her calm on the outside but in my head I was sticking a gun in each and every one of their mouths and emptying the clip. First off the guys were obviously part time homosexuals and there was not a condom on any of the dicks I could see. Second this bitch had committed herself to a relationship with me and now was fucking me over like this. I reached over and held her face and pulled it upwards till her eyes were looking right into mine and spoke softly so that only she could hear. ‘You are nothing but a dirty low class slut who will never amount to anything in this world. You put my life at risk to have some fun on the side rather than trying to talk to me and. It wasn’t simply black. You could tell when you were looking at something black because it still looked as if it had substance. A piece of black velvet at night, or even the empty sky at midnight when it was cloudy out, those still felt like there was something there, some fabric or ‘stuff’. The blackness that made up the ‘hole’ was like nothing, zero, nada, just full of emptiness.It was the first time that I had felt something other than wonder or fascination at my experience thus far. When I had realized that I was inexorably heading straight for it, I felt a crushing fear take over me at that moment. I tried in vain to move in another direction, yet no matter how I spun myself or kicked or thrust, I was constantly being pulled towards that huge maw of despair. For despair is exactly what it seemed to be made of to me, in its nothingness.It was a true void. I was doomed for sure I thought. I was going to be pulled apart until even my atoms disintegrated. For the first time, I could.
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